The New Adventures of Scrapinold Dooington, the Later Years

Issue 117: Nightlife

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 00:00:00 +0000

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Another evening well spent!

Issue Notes

Only 7 years since the previous comic!

Issue 116: GNU plus Linux

Sun, 12 Apr 2015 00:00:00 +0000

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Isn't it ironic that the proprietary software developers call us communists? We are the ones who have provided for a free market, where they allow only monopoly. … if the users chooses this proprietary software package, he then falls into this monopoly for support … the only way to escape from monopoly is to escape from proprietary software, and that is what the free software movement is all about. We want you to escape and our work is to help you escape. We hope you will escape to the free world. The free world is the new continent in cyberspace that we have built so we can live here in freedom. It's impossible to live in freedom in the old world of cyberspace, where every program has its feudal lord that bullies and mistreats the users. So, to live in freedom we have to build a new continent. Because this is a virtual continent, it has room for everyone, and there are no immigration restrictions. And because there were never indigenous peoples in cyberspace, there is also no issue of taking away their land. So everyone is welcome in the free world, come to the free world, live with us in freedom. The free software movement aims for the liberation of cyberspace and everyone in it.

Issue Notes

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=GNU/Linux

Issue 115: Interested

Fri, 13 Mar 2015 00:00:00 +0000

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Finally, a member of our target audience! The focus groups were right!

Issue Notes

Apple has hinted that all versions of the Apple Watch will be behind glass at their stores.

Issue 114: Queso Idéntico

Fri, 27 Feb 2015 00:00:00 +0000

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You know, I'm beginning to think we should start cleaning the refrigerator.

Issue 113: Refrigerator

Thu, 02 Oct 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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Food becomes alive rapidly between the temperatures of 40° F and 140° F. After food is safely cooked, hot food must be kept hot at 140° F or hotter to prevent food anthropomorphization.

Issue 112: Utopia Part 5

Sat, 27 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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Only $1.99 for a modem rental? What a deal!

Issue 111: Utopia Part 4

Mon, 22 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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You are never truly free until you can freely contract yourself into indentured servitude.

Issue 110: Utopia Part 3

Wed, 17 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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A rational consumer would've sent the toothpaste to a laboratory for testing before trying it out.

Issue 109: Utopia Part 2

Sat, 13 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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That driver learned a good lesson in personal responsibility!

Issue 108: Utopia Part 1

Tue, 09 Sep 2014 00:00:00 +0000

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This so-called "environment" is a liberal conspiracy!

Issue 107: Literal

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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WHO BOUGHT THIS???

Issue 106: Descriptive

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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They are correct in a literal sense!

Issue Notes

While looking for furniture on Craigslist, I found a listing for a “Single Sofa”. It was a chair.

Issue 105: Blackout

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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They actually just faked their own deaths to avoid hearing the rest of the story.

Issue 104: Spotless

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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This product will be a huge success!

Issue 103: Stain Remover

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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Afterward, the robot identified the cause of all the smoke stains as itself, and exploded.

Issue 102: Satisfaction Guaranteed

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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That will be $10,000, please.

Issue 101: High Score

Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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Vehicular Manslaughter is worth like 10,000 points, and unlocks a new accessory for your car.

Issue 100: Unsolved

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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1. Robots from thousands of years in the future / 2. No / 3. Stock brokers / 4. 42 / 5. The lawn

Issue 99: Background Check

Thu, 31 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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Speaking of the weather, do you know any communist sympathizers?

Issue 98: The People's Cinema

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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Hmm...I would like two tickets to 'Taking Tiger Mountain By Strategies', please.

Issue Notes

So, AMC theaters was recently purchased by a Chinese firm! (source: http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/movies/la-fi-0522-ct-amc-wanda-react-20120522,0,111278.story)

While this comic of course represents the optimal result of that merger, somehow I suspect reality will be less dramatic.

Issue 97: Scrapinold, et al.

Sun, 20 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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Increased Mystery Solving Effectiveness with Electronic Mail: A Case Study

Issue 96: Positive Infinity

Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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What do you mean I can't buy out the company with my expense account!?

Issue Notes

Expense accounts are the best; there was this one time, I ordered a $60 salmon.

Issue 95: Hidden Cost

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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These prices seem completely reasonable.

Issue Notes

It’s amazing how absurdly expensive watch batteries are!

In addition, Scrapinold is now created entirely with Inkscape, the open-source vector graphics editor! A new layout is also included, this time featuring the font stylings of Gill Sans italic!

Issue 94: El Nuevo Año

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:00:00 +0000

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There's no doubt, NAFTA will usher in the end times.

Issue Notes

We interrupt this story arc for a new years special! Who knows when it’ll return!

Issue 93: Recipe for Murder, Part 6

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Which dimension is that one again?

Issue 92: Recipe for Murder, Part 5

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Another shocking twist!

Issue 91: Recipe for Murder, Part 4

Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Jury? What's a jury?

Issue 90: Recipe for Murder, Part 3

Sun, 30 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Also, the picture's definitely upside-down.

Issue Notes

I have been playing entirely too much Phoenix Wright.

Issue 89: Recipe for Murder: Part 2

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Chief of Police: "So let me get this straight...you didn't notice the name written in blood the first time, hired a private investigator and then arrested him on the spot because his name was the same as the one you failed to notice initially?"

Issue 88: Recipe for Murder: Part 1

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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No no, I don't mean I'm going to have grilled cheese!

Issue Notes

I decided it was time to do a story arc for no reason!

Issue 87: Elementary

Thu, 25 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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From the evidence, it is clear that the case is unsolvable.

Issue 86: The Wrong Ingredient

Sun, 21 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Why couldn't it be squid?

Issue 85: Guilty

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Better sign that confession

Issue Notes

I’ve been playing entirely too much Phoenix Wright

Issue 84: Happy Ending

Mon, 23 May 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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The proactive approach to predicting the rapture

Issue 83: Case Closed

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Can't argue with that logic

Issue 82: Das Neueste Jahr

Sat, 01 Jan 2011 00:00:00 +0000

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Coming up next: could not watching the news on this channel every day kill your children?

Issue Notes

With a new year comes a new design, this time taking inspiration from instruction manuals of the 1990s!

Issue 81: Detox

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Of course it's healthy -- it's ALL NATURAL

Issue 80: Modern Medicine

Thu, 21 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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You may also be interested in one of my magnetic bracelets!

Issue 79: Shock Therapy

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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If it weren't for big government, these robots would be far more efficient!

Issue 78: Agenda

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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The homosexuals, and the Dennis Club, will obviously cause the destruction of society. Because, you know, the bible said so.

Issue 77: Entrepreneur

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Now to go drink some refreshing drinks sweetened with corn sugar!

Issue Notes

When you drink a soda flavored with high-fructose corn syrup, you’re witnessing your tax dollars at work! (Domestic corn prices are subsidized via a “farm bill”, some of the cost savings of which are passed on to you, the consumer. So when you pay your taxes, think of what a good and noble cause you’re supporting!

Issue 76: Transscrapinold

Sat, 11 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Don't worry, I'll just put tape over that light.

Issue Notes

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transhumanism

Issue 75: Dennis Club

Wed, 08 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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No sane person would choose Tennis over Dennis

Issue 74: Indispensable

Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Also, radios should be required to come with record players.

Issue Notes

The RIAA (Recording Industry) is currently trying to push through legislation that would make it mandatory to include radios on all portable devices. Exactly.

Issue 73: Protecting Innovation

Sun, 29 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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I didn't even realize you had invented the cane!

Issue Notes

Patents nowadays are getting completely absurd. Apple claims to have invented/patented multitouch, but in fact it has been actively researched since the 1980s.

Of course, after searching for “frivolous patents” on Google, I found patent #6,049,811, which is perhaps the best one of all. It patents getting a patent!

Issue 72: Interview

Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION?

Issue Notes

A while ago Vinay Deolalikar came up with a proof that P was not equal to NP. Apparently some people didn’t like it.

Issue 71: Flag Day

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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“The neighbors never seem to like my American flag."

Issue 70: Auto Drive

Thu, 10 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Hmm...needs more explosives.

Issue 69: Some Face Time

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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This is going to change the way we communicate forever!

Issue Notes

Apple announced the iPhone 4 today, which includes video chat! Of course, the video chat is only available over…wi-fi connections (you can just pretend that it’s not a cellphone!). Nonetheless, that didn’t stop Apple’s Senior VP of Industrial Design, Jonathan Ive, from proclaiming that the new feature would “change the way we communicate forever.”

Issue 68: Vagrant

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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I also need more beans in cans!

Issue 67: Perfect Replacements

Mon, 24 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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THE WEATHER MUST BE DESTROYED.

Issue 66: Secret of Existence

Mon, 03 May 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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They were also behind Mountain Dew.

Issue 65: Recycled Material

Thu, 22 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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This explains everything!

Issue 64: An Unusual Prognosis

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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A doctoral degree in classical studies shows its usefulness

Issue 63: Conference

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Do you feel that pipes are still necessary for modern crime solving? "Didn't you hear my previous answer?"

Issue Notes

I’m at CHI2010!

Issue 62: April Fool

Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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the joke is that it's an ipad OHHH SNAPPPPP

Issue 61: Inbox

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Making millions from home sure sounds easier than solving mysteries!

Issue 60: Unsolvable

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Hmm...well in that case, mystery solved!

Issue Notes

I just watched Shutter Island, which was pretty trippy.

Issue 59: Digital Millennium

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Finally! I can drink from my e-mug while writing e-letters with my e-pen!

Issue Notes

I bought a Rubik’s TouchCube the other day when I saw it on sale at Best Buy for $20. It’s completely pointless.

Issue 58: Earl Grey

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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No, we're only here to have an in-depth discussion regarding the nature of tea. Drinking it would spoil the conversation.

Issue Notes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_Party_movement

Issue 57: There's an app for that

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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★★★★★ - GREAT APP CANT BELIVE ITS ONLY ONE $

Issue 56: New Pet

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Barbarian!

Issue 55: Tax and Spend

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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If the government spends money on beneficial domestic programs, the terrorists WIN.

Issue Notes

Remember, deficit spending is only an issue if it’s on programs that aren’t military-related.

Issue 54: Transaction Complete

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Curse these blasted tourists! I have a palace to guard!

Issue Notes

A continuation of the previous comic! The name “Collins McCollins” was actually the name on the email that appeared in issue 53.

Issue 53: Request for Mutual Business Relationship

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Shouldn't be too hard to find him.

Issue Notes

I posted something on Craigslist yesterday and have gotten several scam responses and no real ones. The text in the comic was pasted directly from one of them. The title of the comic was pasted from a different scam email that I got a while ago.

Issue 52: BSOD (by K)

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Error: Upload Successful

Issue Notes

Our first guest strip! The artist, K, who has been described by experts as full-bodied, a little nutty, with fruity overtones, also has a blog which you should probably visit immediately: http://k-studies.blogspot.com/. If you, yes, you would like to submit a guest strip, send us an email! The address is “sysadmin” at this site’s domain (scrapinold.com).

Issue 51: Back to the Future

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch some movies cropped to 1024x768.

Issue Notes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Apple_Newton_and_iPhone.jpg

Issue 50: Chapter 1

Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Only 49688 words to go.

Issue 49: Board of Directors

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Those "X-Treme Drug Skateboarding" commercials which ran during the 4-6pm time slots on relevant networks will really speak to the mid-adolescent demographic.

Issue 48: Amor Caseus Est

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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As a roll of thunder echos across the low plain, our hero realizes that, whatever the cost...the mission must be fulfilled.

Issue Notes

The title of this comic is derived from the Latin phrase, “Amor caecus est”, meaning “Love is blind.” The comic’s version translates to “Love is cheese”. In addition, the word “caseus” (cheese) was also used as a term of endearment.

Issue 47: Supply and Demand

Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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THE IMAGES CONTAINED WITHIN THIS CARTOON CONTAIN CHEMICALS KNOWN BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CAUSE CANCER AND BIRTH DEFECTS OR OTHER REPRODUCTIVE HARM. WASH HANDS AFTER VIEWING.

Issue 46: Scandinavian Design

Mon, 01 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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MYSTERY SOLVING SOFTWARE LOADING

Issue 45: Product Development

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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It's truly magical!

Issue Notes

The iPad may just be a scaled up iPod touch, but I want one anyway.

Issue 44: Operational Maneuver Group

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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At last, I have tracked down the elusive guest0185!

Issue Notes

Lol, France is a real place, according to Wikipedia. Of course, the British Railways Board dissolved in 2001. And probably never operated in France.

Issue 43: Future Technology

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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I can't get enough of this Bee Movie!

Issue Notes

Perl 6 was announced in the year 2000. It has not yet been released.

Issue 42: Summa Cum Caeso

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Uhh, Professor Cheese? Are you still listening?

Issue Notes

If only he’d had that one last credit at Trenton State.

Issue 41: Obtainium

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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GREETINGS COMRADE

Issue Notes

Everyone likes pop culture references! Correct song to play during reading.

Issue 40: Cosmic Ray

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Righteous!

Issue Notes

Inspired by a Slashdot story from a year ago: http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/09/30/2225245/Cosmic-Ray-Intensity-Reaches-Highest-Levels-In-50-years

Issue 39: Laissez-Faire

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Now, where's that free lunch I was promised?

Issue 38: Gainful Employment

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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Here's my CV. When can I start?

Issue Notes

Add Scrapinold as a friend on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1391965774

Issue 37: Das Neuer Jahr

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 00:00:00 +0000

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So sad.

Issue Notes

Wow! A new issue! And a new layout, based on Futura, because everyone likes Futura!

Issue 36: A Perfect Getaway

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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It's a good thing you brought that bloody knife! You never know when I might strike again!

Issue Notes

I saw “A Perfect Getaway” this past weekend. The best part was the complete lack of any plot movement until the very end of the film.

Issue 35: 9th Degree

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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By that, I mean you have to break the mirror.

Issue 34: Predetermination

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Incidentally, Tiny Tim will also die. You might want to consider getting him a plan, as a Christmas present.

Issue Notes

When I first encountered the term “life insurance” when I was little, I had no idea what insuring life might entail.

I also like the way companies now sell life insurance for kids. I mean, what parent wouldn’t want to bet a large sum of money on their child’s early death?

Issue 33: Safety in Numbers

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Your call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Issue Notes

The Disco Squad just got Google Voice, which is apparently the system to get for the true voicemail aficionados among us. Unfortunately, it’s invite only. For now.

Issue 32: Postal

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Fair enough.

Issue Notes

I tried to mail a letter the other day to an address that I’ve personally been to, and it was returned today saying it was undeliverable. Naturally, the stamp had been canceled.

Issue 31: Film 101

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Well, if you think it would improve this WWII tragic-thriller...

Issue Notes

It’s quite true. Also, explosions are an important part of any emotional scene.

Issue 30: Focal Plane

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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...

Issue Notes

Totally not a ripoff of http://xkcd.com/6/

Issue 29: Fully Loaded

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Erm...we include that...feature...for...uhh...traffic jams.

Issue 28: Lurking Variable

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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It's a small price to pay for that $5.

Issue 27: The Realist

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Look, I was right! ... "So says the man who is wrong!"

Issue 26: Semper Caesus

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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You...disobeyed me. That was the test. You've won.

Issue 25: Pecunia Cedit Mare

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Commander Scrapinold! It's a good thing you were able to infiltrate the pirates by pretending to join them, after which you donated all their money to charity.

Issue 24: Touché

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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You-you're right! Perhaps this murder, nay, my entire life, has been naught more than a trick of the mind!

Issue 23: Exile

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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That's the third time this week!

Issue 22: Antihistamine

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Well, that's what most people want to buy.

Issue 21: Facsimile

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Genetically identical

Issue Notes

We came up with the idea for this after looking at a potato. The original caption possibility was “How anthropomorphic dogs reproduce.”

Issue 20: Workers of the World, Unite!

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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COMRADE CHEESE SLICE! WHAT NEWS DO YOU BRING FROM THE CAPITALIST PIGS?

Issue 19: Honoris Causa

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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I knew that degree would come in handy!

Issue 18: Q. E. D.

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Take that, math.

Issue 17: Seit Dreizehn Jahre

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Now, back to solving that mystery.

Issue 16: Was machst du, Scrapinold?

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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So...do you even have a ticket?

Issue 15: A Red-Letter Day

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Happy birthday, President Gitenstien!

Issue Notes

President Gitenstein is, of course, the President of The College of New Jersey.

Issue 14: Enter the Squid

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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This explains everything!

Issue 13: The Legend of St. Valentine

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Ah, so that's why we celebrate his death.

Issue 12: Rocketman

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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Pressurized suits are for suckers.

Issue 11: For Your Safety

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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He seemed harmless, really.

Issue 10: 2148 A.D.

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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If my parents find out about this, I'll never be born!

Issue 9: Western Union

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:00:00 +0000

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SORRY YOU DIED STOP PLEASE WIRE ABANDONED FUNDS TO THE FOLLOWING ACCOUNT STOP

Issue 8: Das Neu Jahr

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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It's time to buy that gym membership!

Issue 7: Scrapinold's Magical Christmas

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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I haven't missed it! The Spirits have done it all in one night! They can do anything they like!

Issue 6: All's Well That Ends Well

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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Zeus would be proud.

Issue 5: Bridge Over Troubled Eickhoff

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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Only Smart Balance(TM) spread with omega-3s comes even close.

Issue 4: Enter Eickhoff

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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Now where will we eat lunch?

Issue 3: New Job

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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But what College could that be???

Issue 2: Democracy

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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God bless America!

Issue 1: Mystery Solved

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 00:00:00 +0000

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That was close.